Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was just flipping through an old issue of glamour and I came across a few things that got on my nerves. Thought I'd post real quick on it. ( I know. I need to update BELLA!! haha)

1.  When any magazines throw onto the front cover " Cheap finds under X dollars".  I EXPECT a cheap find.  If X dollar is thrown into the mix.  I EXPECT the entire outfit to be under X dollar NOT $50 for the TANK and $45 for the shoes.  That's truly bullocks.  I * heart * when someone compliments me on my outift and I can freely and honestly say " Oh ! Top from such place for $10 and shorts from such place for $15!  "  So please spare me the BS mags!!!  X amount is X amount not X amount for ONE piece of the entire outifit.

2.  When they do the whole body language issues.  They use an awkward photo of a certain couple ( and most often AFTER said couple has already broken up )  and state how so and so is looking at a different direction, while she stares LONGINGLY for his attention. For example. There was a photo of Shia Labouf making out w/ his girlfriend on a carriage of some sort, and they said he wasn't fully commited because he had a tight grip on the handle bar.  I mean what if he was just holding on cuz he DIDN'T WANNA FALL OFF!!!    I mean come on !!  Bring me a video of them doing this cat chases bird game for a few minutes SHOWING what you are stating is correct!! WHO doesn't have an awkward photo?!  I'm sorry if I had a papparazzi chasing after me all day. ALL my photos w/ my significant other would be awkward.

Ok just had to rant. New post soon !



Monday, August 23, 2010

My life in Ruins..

No not the movie. LITERALLY.  You know how they say. The order of your home is the order of your life?  Or something to that matter.  Well, my home needs a total over haul.  Easy right?  Doesn't help if my home, is 90% of my stress.  So to avoid the stress my method is always to run.  I don't talk about it, think about, stress about it, Therefore it's not there?  Not a very good way of solving the problem I know. 

A while ago I was reading the Secret.  I made it half way through. Big surprise.  I tried doing something and did it half assed.  I get side tracked too easily. Something else I need to work on .  Well, aside from having to think positive thoughts to recieve positive results.  It also teaches you that you need to start the day off on the right foot.  ( Didn't our moms tell us this growing up?) I have most definitely not been doing that. I do not do my hair. I do not dress properly. I am basically a bum, unless I need to leave the house.  Well no more ! Starting tomorrow I am starting off on the right foot. I will do my hair. I will get dressed.  It will be nasty out so no I will not be leaving the house, but I will do something either then stress out about organizing a house that will never be organized when I can barely organize myself. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I used to cook for my grandmom all the time.  Normally I tried to make her some kind of soup.  I recently came home from Florida. ( More on that on another post )  I ate whatever I wanted for a week straight. Coming home I realized I needed to detox. I made soup.  This was my second time making this soup, and it turned out surprisingly good.  My husband mentioned how good it did look, and unknowingly I said " grandmom would love this soup " .  Not realizing the depth of what I said.  Tuan adds " You would have to bring it all the way to the ocean to get her some " .  Then it hits me.  Grandmom is gone.  I will never be able to make her soup again.  This pain will never end will it? 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Grandmom & Grandpop has visited everyone in their dreams.  Except me.  I've felt so left out.  Perhaps they weren't proud of me while they were alive. Perhaps they didn't love me as much as I thought they did.  People say perhaps they know how terrified I am at the thought of encountering anything that has passed on that they don't want to scare me.  All these perhaps run through my mind.  Finally I spoke to my dad over the weekend, and he admitted that grandmom hasn't visited him either.  I didn't feel as alone anymore, because I know that grandmom KNEW he was her biggest supporter, and would have done anything for her. 

Well, last night.  She finally visited me, and not only her. She was with grandpop, and they were HAPPY!  Something that was not true in life.  But towards the end of Grandpops life I think he knew the mistakes me made, and I'd like to think he was sorry for them.  So maybe even if they couldn't be happy and together in life. They can now .  I remember telling myself I MUST remember this when I woke up, and I did.  Albeit bits and pieces, but the most clear in my mind was of them. Smiling.  My grandpop healthy and animated in his words & actions.  

Thursday, April 22, 2010

7 days.

The last 7 days feels like it's been 7 years, but it all felt like it passed in 7 minutes. 

I've told the story of what happened too many times, so maybe next time I'll sit down and rewrite it.  So one day. If the memories start to get foggy I can come back here.  And relive it. ( sounds kinda morbid huh? )

Well, My grandmom finally left us.  7 days ago.  I'm still in denial.  This whole experience is so surreal.  I never imagined it would hurt SO much.  Everyday that passes. I think to myself. Wow Grandmom woulda have loved today. Look how beautiful it is.  Or when my babies learn something new. I'm sad that she won't know.  Before all this. I was set on having another baby next year, but now?  I couldn't imagine having another child and having them NOT have met her.  I know my life needs to continue.  I know even though she's gone, that as long as she's in our hearts she'll never be truly gone .  I know time heals everything.  I know all those cliches.  But how can time heal the pain, when every minute that passes I miss her more? 

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Shut down.

I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to see anything.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
Or go anywhere.
I don't want to hear your news.
Or care what's going on .
I just want my grandmom back.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Why April?

Why April ?  Is that selfish for me to ask?

The first BEST April I ever had was in 2002.  April 7th to be exact.  My Bellinda was born at 1:33AM.  My second April?  April 10th, 2008.  That was when my Ava was born at 11:35AM.  April has always been a great month fo me.  How can you complain?  It's the end of months of miserable winter.  EASTER!  Flowers are starting to bloom.  Sure there's alot of rain, but the weather actually making it out of the 40's or in this years case.  Even reaching into the 90's, and the best reason of all? I have 2 perfectly wonderful excuses to just celebrate.  But this April? Amidst of planning Easter dinner with the in laws, planning my girl's birthday parties, baking cupcakes, and stuffing treat bags for the big girls class room birthday party, and let's throw spring cleaning in the mix just for shits and giggles. Amidst all this insanity.  I spend days bursting into tears.  Days sitting in a hospital room turning into now nights in a hospice.  My grandmom laying there with a death sentence.  I was informed last week she has a brain tumor.  A BRAIN TUMOR?!  At 86?!  WHY??  How can this be? 

I'm over the crying. I'm over the inappropriate outbursts.  So what do I do ? I throw myself into cleaning. Since I woke up this morning, this is the first of me sitting.  I remember when my grandpop died 3000 miles away. My dad got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.  He goes, and comes back to bed. Tells my mom " funny . I swear i just saw Dad . "  He said my grandpop sat on the vanity. Healthy. Young. Smiling. 45 minutes later. We get a call saying my grandpop passed away.  (insert goosebumps).  So today. After manically cleaning my house and working myself into a sweaty mess I jump in the shower.  As I'm standing there I'm gripped with fear. What if I open the shower curtains and there. Sitting is my grandmom. Healthy. Young. Smiling.  I panicked.  Could I really just stand in the shower until my husband came home? Alas, I turned of the water, and pulled away the curtain and....... There sitting ....  Is my towel.   Silly me.

So why April?  If the inevitable happens.  WHY APRIL?  Why do I forever have to associate the 2 most beautiful days of my life, with one of the saddest?  Is that so selfish?

Monday, March 22, 2010

To forgive, but never forget.

So I found out recently that someone who once was my best friend in the world, is pregnant.  We are no longer friends.  It's sad that she's going through this without me, but I can't let go of the past.  I have lost 2 of my most favorite girls in the last 2 years.  They both are newly weds, and it's a high possibility that both might even be pregnant.  So what do I do ?  Do I forgive?  Forgiving is the easy part. It's the forgetting I just can't get a grip of.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Time to take out the trash

If I have never mentioned it before.  I HATE HATE HATE my neighbors..

When we first moved in.  She acted as though she wanted me practically part of the family. Told everyone how lucky she was to have had me move in next door.  That is was "destined" to be because we also shared the same name.  She invited me over for dinner every week.  She gave us stuff ( albeit used, but none the less).  It was truly awkward.  We'd have to make excuses up as to why we couldn't make it to dinner.  Not an easy feet considering our FRONT DOOR literally faces each other. 

THEN it just became ridiculous.  She started knocking on my door literally everyday.  Can I borrow some ice? I ran out of dish detergent for the washer, would you have some more?  What are you cooking? Smells great any extra?  Can I borrow your hose to wash my deck? my car? water my plants? (takes said hose and uses it. While it's still attached to my house).  These are all real things they've asked me for.  I never said one thing. Just bent over and gave it to them.  Even when they got yet ANOTHER dog, and her lazy, drug addicted, drunk of a lazy ass daughter started letting the lil rat shit on my lawn.  Still I said nothing. Just picked up the crap. 

They have 5 million cars that they park all over the place. In the recent blizzard we had.  They LITERALLY blocked in my husband's truck.  When the hubster went to leave for work 6 in the morning, he could not get out of the space.  So Ms. Bitch comes out w/ her keys, and TELLS my husband to MOVE HER CAR.  So he does and thanks her graciously.  She said "your welcome".  10 hours later, my husband comes home from work, and her husband comes over and says to him that HE SAW my husband BUMP his car. My husband said he really doesn't think so , if he did he would not have a problem apologizing for it. But he apologizes none the less. They are relentless !!  kept ragging on and on about it, and then says  " so I see how it is" . How WHAT is ?  I want to ask him !  And if in deed my husband BUMPED their truck. Why did the bitch bring the keys out ?? Why didn't she straight up say " hey you hit my truck !" and have the situation resolved?

There's SO much to this story that I have left out.  There's just tooo much to put down. But the point being is.  How is it possible that I've dealt w/ their shit for nearly 3 years, and this ONE incident they THOUGHT happened they chew my husbands ass our for it???  So now it's just plain uncomfortable.  I don't say anything to them.  but I hate walking around and feeling like I'M the asshole.  When it's so obviously THEY are.  They breezeway we share is a mess.  Their still assholes, and they are still gonna let their lil rat of a dog shit on my lawn.  FML

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

self expression..

I have always been super ..  I mean SUPER DUPER .. self conscious of what people thought of me.  How they felt about  me.  I am such a damn people pleaser.  I will bend over backwards to do something for someone, or try to say all the right things.   But like we were always told, there will always be someone that won't like who you are and / or what you do.  Those people I don't understand.  But there goes my people pleaser attitude again. WHY DO I CARE?! For every person that does not like me.  There is someone who LOVES me..  And that's what should matter.  I need to remind myself of that EVERY day. 

Monday, February 22, 2010

Jacks of many trades, but master of none.

So there has been MANY little craft projects I've always started and never finished.  It started all in highschool.  I started sketching.  Just pencil and charcoal stuff, but surprisingly I really got a knack for it !  I was referred to the head of the art department, but chickened out.  Though I drew, and I knew I was good.  I was afraid of judgement.  I didn't wannt hear the nay sayers. So. I hung my drawings in my room and left it at that. 

I also learned how to knit and crochet.  I WISHED I could say how great I got at it, but I can't. HA !  I learned many patterns, but I never graduated from anything but a scarf. SO my dad would get a hand made scarf by yours truly EVERY single Christmas.  It's become a tradition actually, and every year.  My aunts ask what I have done this year.

I've always been a decent cook.  I cook alot at home.  I have the knack to collect my favorite recipes from dishes I've tried from friends and family, and always took that extra step to make it my own.  Then I guard that recipe with my life.  Only sharing it with people I trusted.  Outrageous!  BUT  I never try to push myself to cook/bake anything that is out of my comfort zone.  So.  I continue to collect recipes, and cook dishes I grew up with. 

(seared pork chops w/ apple & onion stuffing. 1st attempt.  Not enough color, but was still DELICIOUS!)

(Broccoli Casserole before oven)

I've always had a knack to be just good enough, but never pushed myself to go any further. So my latest obsession? PAINTING.  I saw a painting my brother's girlfriend made for his Valentine's gift.  And so we made plans to get together and she'd walk me through my first painting.  I was scared. I'll admit. I am awesome at shading. But I never thought I'd be good with color.  I had a plan of attack, albeit a very ambitious plan of attack, an attack in the end.  I wanted to make 3 canvases of different ice cream cones for the baby's room, 3 canvases of various salt and pepper shakers for my kitchen, and a puzzle piece ( yikes ! ) for Bellinda's room.  Not only did I attack this project with gusto, I squeezed out one more for my one of my best friends. They are not Picasso's, but I'm not trying to be Picasso.  I'm trying to be ME. 

(Ava's room)

(Bellinda's puzzle piece)

(S&P shakers)

(My girly loves her ladybugs.)

Thought I feel SUPER ambitious at this point.  I really hope I can stay on this wagon for a lil while longer. I really enjoy it, and am crossing my fingers that I can get better!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My hearts.

Bellinda is going to be 8 soon.  No one warned me that the ripple effect of teenagehood would come so early.

During those tough times, I look at these pictures, and it reminds me how much it's all worth it.

 Girls.  I love you more then anything.  Though I may get angry.  I hope deep down, you realize how much I love you. 


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dedicated to my girl Bella !!

So.  I promised my chickie there that I would update.  So I dedicate this to my girl Bella .  Go follow her and her fabulous blog at

So this is my daily beauty routine.
I am really happy with my Loreal Infallible never fail makeup.  It seriously has staying power, and does not rub off my clothing ( my biggest damn pet peeve ) nor my little chunker's when I kill her with kisses.

 But if I don't think i'll be out for the entire day and need lasting power.  This Maybelline SuperStay Makeup is passable.  It's coverage is just as great as the Loreal Infallible, but it does not compare in staying power.

 This Bronzer I got AGES ago from Victoria Secret's and I really love it.  It doesn't make me look super orange , and it has just a light shimmer in it, which is what I find is lacking from other bronzers I look find.

This blush I got from Body Shop. I was super hesitant with this one, and I'm still kinda on the fence about it !  It does give me great color.  Like I just came in from the cold, and the apples of my cheek just has the perfect tone of pink, BUT if I swirled a lil too much to the lighter side, I find it leaves my cheeks just too "pearly" for my liking.
I don't care what anyone says.  Maybelline Lash Blast  is just the absolute best, and if they ever discontinue it I will be truly upset.  That is why I have 4 extra tubes just in case. It makes my lashes super lush.  And even though it does add a nice amount of length. I am still wanting MORE !

This is where Maybelline Lash Blast LENGTH comes in.  I was sooooo excited when this came out. I figured it's gotta be the answer to my mascara wishes !  The volumizing awesomness of it's sister Lash Blast, but WITH lengthening power too !?!?!  I broke this baby open soon as I got home, and it just didn't knock me outta the park ! It did lengthen my lashes really well, but they were so skinny !!  I want my waist line to be skinny NOT my lashes. So I know lengthen my lashes w/ the last blast length then fatten it up w/ last blast .  Match made in heaven
Now I've tried eye liners , and shadows, and powders from the rest, but this is the BEST, and the BEST only comes from MAC.  The colors are so rich and so true.  Plus it just has great lasting power.

Fluidline from MAC in microviolet. Just the perfect color for a liner.  Not as harsh as blacktrack, but not as boring as brown.

MAC fluidline $15.00

You apply it with this baby. The brushes from MAC just can't compare.  Keep them clean, and they will last forever.  This baby was $19.50  but worth every penny.
Now this is definitely not my everyday go to color, but it's my go to when I'm grabbing drinks , or going out with the girls.  A little goes a long way. I've had this for ages now, and as you can see, barely made it half way through.
MAC pigment pot $19.50

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I've said it before.

I'm not a photographer. I only play one on the internet..

I *heart* food porn.


Atlantic City
My kids are always perfect subjects.


I would like to perfect my reflective shots, and also my outdoor shots.