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Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was just flipping through an old issue of glamour and I came across a few things that got on my nerves. Thought I'd post real quick on it. ( I know. I need to update BELLA!! haha)

1.  When any magazines throw onto the front cover " Cheap finds under X dollars".  I EXPECT a cheap find.  If X dollar is thrown into the mix.  I EXPECT the entire outfit to be under X dollar NOT $50 for the TANK and $45 for the shoes.  That's truly bullocks.  I * heart * when someone compliments me on my outift and I can freely and honestly say " Oh ! Top from such place for $10 and shorts from such place for $15!  "  So please spare me the BS mags!!!  X amount is X amount not X amount for ONE piece of the entire outifit.

2.  When they do the whole body language issues.  They use an awkward photo of a certain couple ( and most often AFTER said couple has already broken up )  and state how so and so is looking at a different direction, while she stares LONGINGLY for his attention. For example. There was a photo of Shia Labouf making out w/ his girlfriend on a carriage of some sort, and they said he wasn't fully commited because he had a tight grip on the handle bar.  I mean what if he was just holding on cuz he DIDN'T WANNA FALL OFF!!!    I mean come on !!  Bring me a video of them doing this cat chases bird game for a few minutes SHOWING what you are stating is correct!! WHO doesn't have an awkward photo?!  I'm sorry if I had a papparazzi chasing after me all day. ALL my photos w/ my significant other would be awkward.

Ok just had to rant. New post soon !



Monday, August 23, 2010

My life in Ruins..

No not the movie. LITERALLY.  You know how they say. The order of your home is the order of your life?  Or something to that matter.  Well, my home needs a total over haul.  Easy right?  Doesn't help if my home, is 90% of my stress.  So to avoid the stress my method is always to run.  I don't talk about it, think about, stress about it, Therefore it's not there?  Not a very good way of solving the problem I know. 

A while ago I was reading the Secret.  I made it half way through. Big surprise.  I tried doing something and did it half assed.  I get side tracked too easily. Something else I need to work on .  Well, aside from having to think positive thoughts to recieve positive results.  It also teaches you that you need to start the day off on the right foot.  ( Didn't our moms tell us this growing up?) I have most definitely not been doing that. I do not do my hair. I do not dress properly. I am basically a bum, unless I need to leave the house.  Well no more ! Starting tomorrow I am starting off on the right foot. I will do my hair. I will get dressed.  It will be nasty out so no I will not be leaving the house, but I will do something either then stress out about organizing a house that will never be organized when I can barely organize myself. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I used to cook for my grandmom all the time.  Normally I tried to make her some kind of soup.  I recently came home from Florida. ( More on that on another post )  I ate whatever I wanted for a week straight. Coming home I realized I needed to detox. I made soup.  This was my second time making this soup, and it turned out surprisingly good.  My husband mentioned how good it did look, and unknowingly I said " grandmom would love this soup " .  Not realizing the depth of what I said.  Tuan adds " You would have to bring it all the way to the ocean to get her some " .  Then it hits me.  Grandmom is gone.  I will never be able to make her soup again.  This pain will never end will it? 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Grandmom & Grandpop has visited everyone in their dreams.  Except me.  I've felt so left out.  Perhaps they weren't proud of me while they were alive. Perhaps they didn't love me as much as I thought they did.  People say perhaps they know how terrified I am at the thought of encountering anything that has passed on that they don't want to scare me.  All these perhaps run through my mind.  Finally I spoke to my dad over the weekend, and he admitted that grandmom hasn't visited him either.  I didn't feel as alone anymore, because I know that grandmom KNEW he was her biggest supporter, and would have done anything for her. 

Well, last night.  She finally visited me, and not only her. She was with grandpop, and they were HAPPY!  Something that was not true in life.  But towards the end of Grandpops life I think he knew the mistakes me made, and I'd like to think he was sorry for them.  So maybe even if they couldn't be happy and together in life. They can now .  I remember telling myself I MUST remember this when I woke up, and I did.  Albeit bits and pieces, but the most clear in my mind was of them. Smiling.  My grandpop healthy and animated in his words & actions.  

Thursday, April 22, 2010

7 days.

The last 7 days feels like it's been 7 years, but it all felt like it passed in 7 minutes. 

I've told the story of what happened too many times, so maybe next time I'll sit down and rewrite it.  So one day. If the memories start to get foggy I can come back here.  And relive it. ( sounds kinda morbid huh? )

Well, My grandmom finally left us.  7 days ago.  I'm still in denial.  This whole experience is so surreal.  I never imagined it would hurt SO much.  Everyday that passes. I think to myself. Wow Grandmom woulda have loved today. Look how beautiful it is.  Or when my babies learn something new. I'm sad that she won't know.  Before all this. I was set on having another baby next year, but now?  I couldn't imagine having another child and having them NOT have met her.  I know my life needs to continue.  I know even though she's gone, that as long as she's in our hearts she'll never be truly gone .  I know time heals everything.  I know all those cliches.  But how can time heal the pain, when every minute that passes I miss her more?