Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Little things...

Growing up.
My mom was a total clean freak while we were growing up. She was very particular as to what she wanted , and how she wanted her children to be. Our house was always clean, and everything was in it's place. But like any other teenager. My room was NEVER clean. Everyone that came over to the house would say how clean and nice our house was. And I was proud.

When I moved out at 19 with my husband.
I was the same way with our house. I cleaned CONSTANTLY. The house was immaculate ( except for our room of course ! ) But then I had Bellinda. I developed this crazy fear of GERMS. I mean I was always real clean about everything. Washed my hands constantly. Bleach was my best friend. Purell was my buddy. And it really all started with the littlest thing. I refused to go to bed, or allow my husband in bed without taking a shower first. BUT I had to be the first one to take a shower, because I couldnt' stand the thought of getting into a used tub. then after my shower I'd make a beeline to my bed. Just so that I'm not getting any dirt or dust on my feet. Little things.

When Bellinda was 5 we bought a new house , and I insisted that we buy ONLY white towels so i had the ability to bleach them.. Then the white towels went onto white bedding so that those can also be bleached. And then came the clorox/lysol wipes that I attacked EVERY surface with. Antibacterial soap is at every sink in the house. I started refusing to use or take Bellinda to public toilets unless it was a true emergency, or my husband was there to take her. When I got pregnant w/ Ava. I freaked out because that meant I would have to stay at a hospital. I made sure none of my belongings touched that hospital room floor. This is also when the travel purell was literally everywhere. I have one in every purse and daiper bag. So I would never be without it. Full bottle in our cars. Little Things.

I won't take my kids to the park, or hold the hand rails in the malls. If they play with other children I watch them like a hawk so they don't share juicy cups, or food. Then I scrub them down as soon as we get home. If Bellinda takes a bubble bath, I make her take a shower AFTER wards.

When we go to my mom's house ( remember my clean freak nuerotic mom?) I feel disgusted. I won't shower there, and I dread having to sleep over. She recently said to me. That at 27 if I feel this way. What will happen when I'm 38? What will I do when that day comes when I can't leave my house because I'm so disgusted of the germs.

Little things right?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sliding Doors..

Have you ever wondered what could have been? The people you turned away in your life.. The opportunities you turned down.. Those days were you left home just 2 minutes later then usual, or stopped to pick up that pack of gum? I hate the "WHAT IF". There has been many in my life..

I apologize to anyone who is reading this out there !! Posts will be less depressing !! =) I am a happy girl !!

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Am I a mother ? Should I be posting blogs about my 2 girls.. My daily challenges of finding my own identity. In the mix of carpooling, summer reading, potty training, tripping over toys, and wrangling my 7 yr old & 15 month old into the back seat of my 2 door coupe. Do I talk about the great deals i got on daipers, and the tricks I've learned from motherhood?

Am I a wife? Should I rant about my husband . How he didn't even noticed that I bought all the ingredients to make his favorite meal. How he completely forgot to get me a mother's day/birthday/anniversary card, but sheepishly gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me more then any card or gift can represent. How he at the same time can make me regret ever marrying, but also do that cute little thing he does that reminds me of how much I love him, and couldn't imagine life with someone else?

Or am I still ME.. To have the endless budget I had once upon a time. Before the kids & the mortgage. Post pictures of all wonderful things I bought on my last rampage at the shops, and swoon over things I plan on getting. The endless hours I can spend just walking through Sephora. The endless nights being fabulous over Veuve-Clicquot , Cran & Stoli O., oh my.

Who am I ?